November 8th can't come soon enough. It feels like everybody on the planet knows who they're going to vote for. Every attack ad that comes out accomplishes nothing in particular, and people are just counting down the days. Now it's just up to the voters, and there's nothing left to do except speculate what would happen if Donald Trump were to quickly end his life following a loss to Secretary Hillary Clinton.
The first thing you gotta ask yourself is "How is he going to do it?" If you're not already aware, Donald Trump is a billionaire celebrity playboy with a long list of creative tweets, so you know his suicide will be interesting. I suspect he would make it a big televised event, saying it's going to be "The greatest kiss of death the world has ever seen" or "My escape from the manic depressive thoughts that haunt my dreams on a daily basis will no doubt bring jobs back to the American people." It would be entertaining as hell.
And the production value, oh man. Get legendary producer Mark Burnett on the project and this would certainly be some of the most revolutionary television ever made. The Donald already has incredible showmanship from way back in his Apprentice days, so this next project of him taking his own life in a blaze of infamy and shame should definitely bring in big ratings.
Now, I may not be considered one of the "best people" he keeps referring to, but I have a couple suggestions for the republican presidential nominee's upcoming endeavor. First off, don't bring a halt to your existence so early! We may be living in an age of incredible technological advancements, but sadly we lack the ability to film souls damned to an eternity in hell. Until we reach that point, we shouldn't be rushing to get to the end of this whole ordeal.
This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, so it needs to be done right. If executed correctly, there's no way we won't be in contention for a Golden Globe.
This is how I imagine it.
Episodes one through five we follow Donald on a legendary bender of cocaine and underage sex. In an early season cliffhanger, Trump refuses to pay a 14 year old hooker because she didn't do a good enough job. In the next episode, he successfully sues the pimp.
Episode six, Ivanka gets married. Donald is heartbroken. The entire episode consists of Donald Trump at an open mic, performing slam poetry and crying.
Episode seven through ten follow the Don on a quest to make amends with everyone he's wronged in the past. To make sure the season is finished on time, footage is shown at 12 times speed.
Finally, in the series finale, we see our orange-haired-hero take his final moments in solitude. He takes a picture out of his pocket and holds it to his chest. Ivanka. She is still with him as he looks into the mirror for several minutes. No longer able to look himself in the eyes, he instead looks down at his legally obtained semi-automatic killing machine.
With his last breath he whispers softly to himself...
"You're fired"
And the production value, oh man. Get legendary producer Mark Burnett on the project and this would certainly be some of the most revolutionary television ever made. The Donald already has incredible showmanship from way back in his Apprentice days, so this next project of him taking his own life in a blaze of infamy and shame should definitely bring in big ratings.
Now, I may not be considered one of the "best people" he keeps referring to, but I have a couple suggestions for the republican presidential nominee's upcoming endeavor. First off, don't bring a halt to your existence so early! We may be living in an age of incredible technological advancements, but sadly we lack the ability to film souls damned to an eternity in hell. Until we reach that point, we shouldn't be rushing to get to the end of this whole ordeal.
This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, so it needs to be done right. If executed correctly, there's no way we won't be in contention for a Golden Globe.
This is how I imagine it.
Episodes one through five we follow Donald on a legendary bender of cocaine and underage sex. In an early season cliffhanger, Trump refuses to pay a 14 year old hooker because she didn't do a good enough job. In the next episode, he successfully sues the pimp.
Episode six, Ivanka gets married. Donald is heartbroken. The entire episode consists of Donald Trump at an open mic, performing slam poetry and crying.
Episode seven through ten follow the Don on a quest to make amends with everyone he's wronged in the past. To make sure the season is finished on time, footage is shown at 12 times speed.
Finally, in the series finale, we see our orange-haired-hero take his final moments in solitude. He takes a picture out of his pocket and holds it to his chest. Ivanka. She is still with him as he looks into the mirror for several minutes. No longer able to look himself in the eyes, he instead looks down at his legally obtained semi-automatic killing machine.
With his last breath he whispers softly to himself...
"You're fired"
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